


The Man of Steel

by InevitableBladders (TheTimelessChild0)



Series: America's Bladder [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Desperation, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Peeing Into Things That Are Not a Toilet, Sort Of, Urination, Wetting, he uses the filtration system, the laws of time are mine and they will obey me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23715745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/InevitableBladders
Summary: It is made crystal clear thatStevemight need the suit more than Tony does..
Series: America's Bladder [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649515
Kudos: 16





	The Man of Steel

He wouldn’t have known it. Not if Pietro hadn’t had the worst aim in the world. He was just doing his thing, slicing up the smaller sentries, when Ultron himself threw an Audi E-Tron at him.  _ This is why Stark shouldn’t invest in automobiles.. _ he grumbled to himself, preparing to duck. Steve had almost jumped out of the way, when Quicksilver sprinted towards it and punched it in his direction. 

Thinking fast, he drew his shield up and was propelled backwards three feet. As soon as his ass hit the ground, he felt it. 

“You gotta be shitting me,” he muttered to himself. 

“Wash your mouth out, Rogers! Shocking display of language from our scout leader,” Tony mocked through the comms. 

“You alright, Cap?” Nat checked.

“Yeah, I just..didn’t look both ways before crossing the road,” Steve quipped.

Out of all the times, out of all the battles, it had to be here. He vaguely wondered if the metal in his Iron Patriot suit was magnetic, attracting cars to him. 

*******

The rest of the battle went forward without a hitch. Well, some hitches. Mainly the way Steve crossed his legs, rolled away from danger and swayed obviously while throwing his fists around. 

Clint was the first to notice. “It’s not a ballet rehearsal, you know,” he noted, raising a bemused eyebrow. 

Cap nodded, and ran off to kill some more sentries in the alley. “Okay, we have a problem,” he admitted. 

“What? Are you hurt?” Pietro replied, concerned. “Sorry about that car, the Ultron-bots were firing in every direction,” he apologised. 

“No, it’s..stupid,” Steve explained, taking some deep breaths. He had to tell them. The metal would rust if he had an accident; they would find out either way. 

“Break an ankle, sport?” Tony asked, kindly. 

“You know how your suit has a..thing, which mine doesn’t?..” Cap tried. 

“I’m assuming you don’t mean the gauntlets, because those are mine and mine alone,” Tony chuckled. So did Steve, wincing when his bladder protested the shaking. 

Stark heard. “Steve. Tell me.” he requested firmly. 

“It’s missing a filtration system,” Steve stated, turning red where the suit was red already.

Tony had to resist the urge to laugh. He knew Steve was shy, but not to the point of not noticing that. Every one of the Avengers had spurted a little, during particularly long jumps, without Iron Man suits to absorb it. Cap would’ve felt the urine disappear into the suit, no matter how small an amount.  _ Wow _ , he had unhealthy levels of muscle control... 

“No, it isn’t. With your heightened metabolism, are you serious?! Of course, I programmed that, you were going to need to pee at some point during this fight, even if you’d gone on the jet beforehand. I’m the polar opposite of an idiot,” Tony scoffed.

“Oh..right. Force of habit,” Steve said. The others could almost hear him shrugging sheepishly. 

“Alright if I cut the comms for a minute..?” he panted, legs crossed and eyes frantically searching for incoming Ultron sentries. 

“UNCLE SAM WANT TO PEE, HE GO PEE!! HULK LOOK OUT FOR TIN SOLDIERS!” Hulk responded in the positive. 

“What he said,” Nat, Clint, Tony and Pietro said in near unison. 

“10-4,” Steve muted himself, letting go. It was surprisingly easy, just knowing it would be redirected, and not make a mess. It took a little longer than a minute, which he knew because Jarvis said so, 

‘Urine filtration cycle complete. 625 ml stored. Evacuation duration: 1 minute 15 seconds. May I advise Captain, that you not hold for such extended periods of time in future?” the A.I suggested. 

“I know...I know, I know. Thanks, JARVIS,” he replied, rolling his eyes. Dr Cho would not be pleased with him..

The End.


End file.
